Giving Thanks

I realized tonight that I need to be thankful for everything in my life.  That includes the times when I feel lost, hurt, alone and depressed.  When I feel unfairly judged or that I will never fit in.  When I justifly my actions even when I know they are wrong.  For the longest time I've thought that as long as I'm a good person deep down in my soul, then that should be enough.  And I've allowed myself to be consumed by anxiety and depression while my life is passing me by.  It has been an extremely emotional day and I really can't recall any time recently when I've felt this hopeless.  I've always considered myself a Christian but honestly I've never really read the Bible.  It just never made sense to me.  But for some reason tonight, at my lowest point, I walked over to the bookshelf and picked it up for the first time in years.  I just randomly opened it and it opened to the book of Job.  I had heard a few things about Job... basically that he suffered a tremendous amount.  And as I read I realized that for the first time, I understood the message and could relate to it in my own life.  And then I went on to read Matthew and was delighted to find a passage about anxiety.  "He long for you to end the anxiety cycle and let him lead (Matt. 11:28).  I don't have to suffer like this any longer.  I can leave it all behind.  All of my struggles have made me who I am.  I am a better person now that I have gone through the valleys.  And I know there will be many more struggles ahead.  But the Bible promises that if we remain faithful through the trials and suffering, then we will go to Heaven.  So I guess the whole point of this blog is that I am thankful for all of my experiences in life, good and bad.  And I'm thankful for the people who have loved me and those who have hurt me.  And any judgement that has been passed on me doesn't matter anymore.  I have a loving husband, three wonderful children, and a God who is in control.  And for all of this, I am thankful.

On Reaching Out

As humans when we feel threatened or hurt our first instinct is to lash out and hurt the person you feel has hurt you.  But how often do we ever stop to really take the time to evaluate the situation.  And is hurting the other persons feelings through your words or actions really going to solve the problem?  No.  This way of dealing with things has never worked and it never will.  We all have something we struggle with on a daily basis.  Some very minor and some very very major.  And we keep it inside.  And we try to get by in a world where every breath feels like a struggle.  Where we feel out of place and wonder if we will ever belong.  And all we want is to be accepted and loved for who we are, the good and the bad.  And my heart aches for people who feel so unloved and alone that they choose to end their life.  We all need to be more understanding and take that extra step to help someone who is in need or hurting.  I think we need to judge our success not on our jobs or how much money we have in the bank, but on our ability to reach out and help others in their darkest moments.  It might seem like an inconvenience at the time, but it is something you will never regret.  And the happiness one receives from helping others is worth more then anything money can buy.  Happy Thanksgiving!

This was an almost two year old Noah waiting for daddy to get back from deployment

I love old family photos :)

House Wife? More like get a life....

It's no secret that I'm not the best at keeping house or cooking.  I make sure we are all fed and that our house is clean (minus the kid clutter).  So here I am, almost 1:00 in the morning.  And what am I doing?  Going from website to website and compiling a 3 ring binder full of recipes, house cleaning tips, how to please your man... blah blah blah.  Now all I need is one of those 50's dresses and an apron.  Oh and don't forget the uncomfortable shoes.  I've searched every site for the perfect Once a Month Cooking how to guide.  And so far all I've found are a bunch of recipes full of things I have never purchased and therefore would be to embarrassed at the grocery to ask anyone to help me find them.  Then I went to this Flylady website and wrote word for word every bit of cleaning advice she had to offer.  I'm just wondering what time she is going to show up tomorrow to do the cleaning.  So I guess all I can do is keep giving it my best until we hit the lottery and the maid and chef move in.  Until then, I guess I'm just a work in progress.

Follow me... I will never lead you astray.....

I'm still trying to figure out how to acquire more followers.  This blogging thing is new to me but already I can tell it is going to be very therapeutic.  Don't worry, I promise to only tell embarrassing stories of myself and if I do happen to tell an embarrassing story about you I will change your name.  Unless I just really don't like you.  In that case I'll include your full name, address, phone number, and shoe size.  So any pointers would be greatly appreciated!  Thanks!

According to plan

Life doesn't always go according to plan... duh!  And while we are all aware of this it doesn't make it any easier when things fall apart.  I woke up this morning feeling like I want to crawl in a hole and hybernate until the world desides to get its act together and become a more loving and accepting place.  I can't stand to watch the news and I can't stand how one human being can treat another without even the slightest bit of remorse.  So are we men or are we monsters?  Or are we all mixed up wearing the same "human" discuise?  Will it ever be ok to trust people again?  Because it seems to me that everyone has their own agenda.  In the Bible it warns against wolves in sheeps clothing.  All we can do is live the way we know is right and hope for the best....

Beauty Is Skin Deep

Beauty is skin deep.  What does that even mean?  Society sees beauty as how you look on the outside.  Nice hair, nice skin, nice body.  But this kind of beauty fades with the passing of time.  And what we are left with is either a hollow poor excuse for a soul, or a beauty that radiates from the inside out.  These bodies are only ours for a short period of time.  I don't think God gave them to us to spend endless time and money trying to perfect them.  Rather we are here as students.  Students of life each on our own quest to find true happiness.  Those who seek happiness in their appearance will not be happy for long.  They will watch all their hard work wither away with the sands of time.  As a mother I see it as a very important job to teach my children to just be happy with who they are.  Regardless of their little quirks or hangups, regardless of if they are good at soccer or struggle with math.  They are equally as important as anyone else and they were sent here because God loves them and has a plan for them.  Regardless of all of our situations we have the ability to be happy and content in our lives.  Take away all the material possessions, fancy car, and house that you can't afford to pay the mortgage on.... and you still have you.  You have wonderful you that no one else can duplicate.  I think the greatest honor we can show God is to be content with the life he has given us.  And I am thankful for everything I have, and everything I don't have.  And everything will be ok :)

Thoughts on Human Nature

Recent experiences have led me to believe that the only person we can truely depend on in this life is ourselves.  If we can  not be internally happy, then nothing, no matter what will ever make us externally happy.  External happiness doesn't exist.  Everything in this life is temporary and fleeting.  We chase these dreams and when we achieve them we find new dreams to chase.  What if we could all just live in the moment.  Be happy that God made each and every one of us exactly who we are.  I watch my children struggle to fit it and it hurts my heart.  They are absolutley perfect and loving beings and I don't ever want this world to change them.  But I know the world is a certain way and I can not protect them from the harsh realities that await them in the future.  All I can do is teach them to love themselves and love others for their differences.  Lately I have been pondering what my purpose on this earth is.  I worry that I may fail as a parent or something unspeakable will happen to my children and then what will I be left with.  They are my entire world.  All I can do is my best and what I know is the truth and the light.  And the rest is up to them.  God gave them free will and I pray that they will choose wisely and not have to suffer as I have many times throughout my life.  We all want what is best for our children.... and we all need to want what is best for ourselves as well.  I don't know if my life will have a happy ending, but I do know that I am going to fight each and every day so that regardless of what comes.... Ill know I gave it my all.  And my children can at least be proud of that